I have rarely so felt so helpless as I did at one o’clock this morning. Melian was crying, screaming. She did not want food, or her nappy changed, or was in any particular pain. She wanted her mother, only her mother was at work, her first night shift back, and there was nothing I could do.
To hold your child, who is screaming in utter distress, and being unable to do a thing is heart-breaking. It was always going to happen at some point in time.
At length Melian did go down to sleep again. This morning she “asked” for a cuddle, which melted my heart. It may sound silly, but this morning I really needed signs that she still loved me. Which, of course, she did.
Looking for the silver lining, we made it through the night, both of us. It can be done – and I hope that in not too many weeks Melian and I will manage it better.